"Unlike guilt, which is the feeling of doing something wrong,
Shame is the feeling of being something wrong"
~ Marilyn Sorenson
The subject of shame seems to be on my mind lately. As I meditate on it, I am realizing that there are so many levels to this….. We think of shame as something to feel bad about because we have done something wrong, but what if most of the shame that we carry is not because we have done anything wrong (such as intentionally hurt others), but because we have been judged harshly for just being us. As Brene Brown says “Shame is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love”.
I Am Not Enough – There Must Be Something Wrong with Me!
As some of you know, my focus in Energy-Based Psychotherapy is not on exposing individual core beliefs, but using them to get to the underlying themes or schematas and clearing those, so the whole theme can fall away. That is how we create big shifts. Every struggle we have, seems to have an underlying theme. Underneath Shame, the theme is ‘I Am NOT Enough’ or ‘I Am Flawed’ or ‘There Is Something Wrong With Me’. Our society / culture / family / parents / social media/ teachers etc etc makes us feel shameful for so many things – it begins almost from the moment of birth – for being born as the wrong gender, for having the wrong skin color (in many societies light skin is preferred over darker skin as a sign of attractive), for being too tall, too short, body shape that is not model-perfect, for expressing emotions freely, for being poor or rich, for having an education or not having an education etc etc………….
Hiding Our Imperfections
Then we, try to hide our so-called perceived imperfections by covering them up / masking them and try to convince the world that we are not flawed. But we fear being exposed. This is the social dance. If we are well connected to ourselves / our deeper truth, but haven’t healed our shame, we will feel like we are dying, with all these secrets about how flawed we really are and we show up everywhere with that energy – we fear judgement from others because it exposes the truth – that we are not perfect. We struggle with social anxiety because we are too busy putting energy into hiding our imperfections. We personalize other people’s bad behavior as a rejection, because it aligns with our beliefs about ourselves. We struggle to speak up or stand up for ourselves in situations where we have been wronged, because we have self-doubt.
If we are excellent at playing our social roles and our identification with our social self (part of the false self or ego) is strong within us, we have disconnected from our deeper truth. We are practicing self-alienation. We show up everywhere with a perfect mask and look for constant approval and acceptance from the outside world – from our friends, our social groups, even our families. We have no trouble changing our behavior to conform to the so-called invisible rules of any group we identify with and sucking up to those we perceive as having more power than us. We may resort to hiding behind nice words, but not really meaning them. We may manipulate others or try to control others around us, so they can perceive us in the way we want them to perceive us. We may become really good at playing the victim (in the abuser’s robes), when things don’t go our way.
Connected Or Disconnected To Our Shame?
If you are a person that is still trying to conform to all the social rules and make everyone love you, you need to become aware of these unhealthy patterns, before the journey towards healing and authenticity can really begin. However, if you are a person who is more connected to yourself and doesn’t fight for external approval and love anymore, then you are also more connected to your shame – your unworthiness – your self-hatred – your self-loathing – or simply a lack of self-love and self-acceptance. If you are aware of your negative self talk and how you berate yourself, you are ready to move into the next phase of authenticity and become even more deeply connected to your truth – you need to do this by healing your shame……………..
How To Heal Your Shame?
If you are ready to heal your shame and want to be liberated to live a full life and be authentic, call me or email and we can chat about what it takes to move a person through all the levels of shame within them and how I have helped many of my clients accomplish this.
Are you ready to let go of feeling bad about yourself?
Are you ready to embrace your authenticity?
Here’s To Manifesting Your Authenticity
Meera Jain (Bs, DPS)
Personal Transformation Expert
Creator of Fearlessly Authentic® Purification Program
And Energy-Based Psychotherapy